The Circle of Silence

Jack is a partner in a law firm which sponsored a promotional social event for their clients. He and his wife, Jean, were late in arriving, Jack being obviously drunk when he came in. He proceeded to become loud and insulted two of the firm's top clients. His partners had seen Jack drunk before (many times) but this was the first time this kind of behavior had been exhibited. One of Jack's partners, Philip, jumped in, apologized to the clients for Jack's behavior and arranged with Jean to get Jack home. Jean felt ashamed, humiliated and angry.

The next day, Jack tried to pass off his drunkenness and behavior by explaining that "I overdid it mixing my martinis with that pain medication for my back." None of his partners believe him. A few have made humorous or disparaging remarks behind his back. His partners had not addressed the issue in the past, solving their "problem" by assigning work for important clients to other lawyers while shrinking Jack's responsibilities. Jack is alone in the midst of his colleagues.

At home, Jean has stopped her angry tirades about Jack's drinking. She has no more patience and gives him the silent treatment. She avoids him by spending her evenings "out", volunteering or going to dinner with friends. Her moralistic judgment has strengthened Jack's denial while he blames Jean for his drinking. Jean believes that Jack can change his behavior if he wants.

Alcoholism is chronic, fatal disease. It is also a family illness. These scenes increase in number and seriousness as the illness progresses with a growing loss of control and denial. It is tempting to do nothing and hope the problem solves itself but it will not. The alcoholic will practice his/her defences of denial, blaming, manipulating, covering up and living in delusion until he/she "hits bottom" or someone intervenes to help.

Philip has been there and has had help himself. He calls Jean because of his personal concern and on behalf of the firm. An intervention is planned to get Jack into treatment. An intervention is the loving and concerned confrontation of the alcoholic by family and friends to encourage or even force him/her into treatment. Jack agrees to get help in a treatment program. On finishing that program, Jack will go to 90 A.A. meetings in 90 days. Philip is Jack's OLAP peer support person, another lawyer who has been there, understands and will help an ill colleague.

I want help now
OLAP (Ontario Lawyers Assistance Program) provides one-on-one ongoing volunteer peer support and professional counselling to lawyers, judges and law students who suffer from alcohol, drug or other addictions, eating disorders, stress, burnout or mental illness. They will assist with referrals for support, assessments and counselling. If you, your partner or your spouse needs help, please call. All calls are strictly confidential. To contact the Volunteer Executive Director, call John Starzynski 1-877-584-6227. Leota Embleton, Program Manager, can be reached at 416-241-7983 or 1-877-576-6227. The OLAP 24-hour Helpline is 1-800-667-5722. For more information on OLAP and other programs that offer assistance click here.