Wellness and balance

It Was The Best of Times,
It Was The Worst of Times

I apologize for the literary licence but the title seemed appropriate. The story that follows shows the conflict a lawyer can encounter with manic depression. This is a true story.

Jack was torn confused. Business was great and he was making a lot of money - at least he thought he was. He had been "flying", doing a ton of work, getting through many files (pushing himself beyond even his limits), doing lots of volunteer work and being a social butterfly. But things were beginning to happen that he could not understand. He became fatigued more easily and some days felt that he was beat from doing anything at all. On other days, he was too tired to do anything. He had managed to function for many few years on little sleep but even that was hard to achieve now. His appetite had gone from little to no desire for food. He spent his days drinking coffee. He was beginning to avoid other people and more and more made excuses to not attend meetings to be alone. A sense of sadness pervaded his feelings. He began to beat himself up mentally in little ways that had become more pervasive - he thought that he was unattractive; he had a sense that, despite his financial success, he had failed many times in his life in the past and was probably now a complete failure; nothing seemed to satisfy him but he did not know what he wanted anymore. Jack wanted something else but he could not give this life up, the only one he knew; he felt worthless; and he realized that, on some days, he disgusted and even hated himself.

As these feelings developed over a period of time, Jack began to have more trouble making decisions. He second-guessed himself constantly although he knew he was competent. Bottling up these awful emotions made him feel desperate but he had no one to safely talk to about his turmoil.

One day, things went very badly and all these emotions and physical strains seemed to gather to crush him at once. He thought about suicide but he really knew that this was not the answer, especially for his family who would live their lives asking "why?" and "what could we have done?". He collected himself and called his doctor for help. Once he was in capable professional hands, he called OLAP for support. A lawyer in recovery for depression met with Jack. He took Jack to Emotions Anonymous, 12 step program based on the Alcoholics Anonymous program. He finally had what he needed - a step by step approach to daily living and learning to live with unresolved problems. Jack found that he had to work at his mental health in conjunction with his physical wellbeing. He managed to get through the rough time and now tries to live one day at a time. Every day is still as challenge but he has a program to help him keep perspective and give him hope and understanding.

I want help now
OLAP (Ontario Lawyers Assistance Program) provides one-on-one ongoing volunteer peer support and professional counselling to lawyers, judges and law students who suffer from alcohol, drug or other addictions, eating disorders, stress, burnout or mental illness. They will assist with referrals for support, assessments and counselling. If you, your partner or your spouse needs help, please call. All calls are strictly confidential. To contact the Volunteer Executive Director, call John Starzynski 1-877-584-6227. Leota Embleton, Program Manager, can be reached at 416-241-7983 or 1-877-576-6227. The OLAP 24-hour Helpline is 1-800-667-5722. For more information on OLAP and other programs that offer assistance click here.